Has this question ever crossed your mind? Does it bother you when your in-laws are all around you and you are not treated well? Being a newlywed is a euphoric time for husband and wife. Such stage, couples are still in the adjustment period of the new phase of their relationship. Since I’ve had the chance to witness a couple of solid marriages fall apart after those couples moved in with their in-laws. Your In-laws might be great people, but living and moving in with them is definitely not a good idea.
I am a family-oriented person. This is how my mother raised us. We always spend time together, eat food at the same time, we go to church together long story short, we are bonded and we even keep secrets from each other. My mom taught us that whatever happens, we have to be united as one, and this is something I’m going to miss after I get married. But it never came to mind that I will live with my family and even with my in-laws.
Extended Family is one of the Filipino cultures that is being practiced in the Philippines, and I am not a fan of it. Here are the 6 reasons why living with your in-laws might not be a good idea.
I can’t imagine living on the same roof with my in-laws. Not that they are bad people, with all honesty they are really kind and we are all on good terms. I have this fear that one day will come that we will have misunderstanding (that is aside from the language barrier I am experiencing right now). Everybody knows that if you stayed together in the same house, you will have the feeling of being comfortable, and because you are comfortable your true self will begin to unfold. We all have different points of view, interpretation of everything, different judgement on how a certain human behaves. You do your level best; people will still misinterpret. Adjusting with your husbands’ attitude is more than enough..hahahaha! So, to keep your relationship with your in laws intact, live separately.
Once you decide to live with your in-laws, you can’t have free access to your husband’s financial status. Most of the time mother in law will interfere with regards to how you are spending her son’s money. And not that you will be paying the entire family expenses, but still you have to share in ALL expenses made inside that house, regardless if you benefited or not. Most of the Filipinos, especially those who called themselves “breadwinners” can’t leave the house as everybody relies on that poor person only. Some will just agree to shoulder the electricity bill or phone bill or to even share a fixed amount on a monthly basis. This set up doesn’t work for everybody, especially for me. I don’t mind helping your extended family financially but before doing that, make sure that you have something on your table to feed your own family. It may work for some but you have to bear the consequences of it and that is, you don’t learn to manage your money or worst you will not be able to save for your own family’s future.
RAISING YOUR CHILD CAPABILITY WILL ALWAYS BE IN QUESTION
Since you will be a first-time mother, most in laws will expect that you know nothing about raising a child. They will see you as a neophyte in the field of parenting. They will surely keep on butting in and giving advice even when you don’t need it. Worst is, they will not allow you to discipline your own child. If you scold your child, they will butt in and tell you that he/she is still small, she doesn’t understand anything yet, let him/her destroy the things in the house, and all of a sudden you may find that they are the ones your children instead of you. So, better to get your own place.
All couples should be allowed to have their private time together. Living with in-laws, you may no longer be able to spend quality time with your husband at home. When you live with them you have to hold your emotions every time. It is not a good idea to fight with your spouse in front of his family. If you are living alone you and your husband can constantly show affection, anywhere, anytime inside your house. With your in-laws around you can’t hug, cuddle or kiss your husband with them watching. Living alone will give you a freedom to express whatever you feel, be it positive or negative. So better, keep distance!
UNPAID PROFESSIONAL CARETAKER
Don’t ever think that if you move in to your in laws house means simply living with them.NO. Living with your in-laws means you have to also take care of them for the rest of their life. FREE. You are obliged to cook for everyone, of course it would not be nice for a daughter in law and her husband eating when you’re in laws are just watching. Once you serve the food, you also have to wash all the dishes and use pans, and glasses and whatever household chore left in that house. Don’t forget, you are staying in your in-laws house!
For me this is one of the reasons why living within laws is not a good idea. You being a couple needs to be matured. Don’t forget that you are going to build your own family. Couple has to decide on how are you going to solve a certain problem in your married life. Living with your in laws,
you won’t be able to decide for your own family. They will give their own opinion and advice, and if it’s not taken, they will feel bad and this is the start of a misunderstanding inside the house. I am not telling not to ask any help from them, but as a couple you have to learn how to make a decision. You cannot always rely on them. You have to be an expert in decision making when you are building a family, and within laws around, I bet it is not possible.
If you want to keep a healthy and good relationship with your Spouse parents, just build your life separately. But keep in mind, in-laws are great to have Sunday dinner with. But living with them is another story. Don’t punish yourself, don’t live with your in-laws.