I gazed longingly at the golden sand drifted and swayed to the strong northern winds, its voice whispering, slowly and carefully my name, his name; together creating a monotonous agonizing melody, which is enough to rattle my soul. The crash of the waves thunders in my ears, like a gigantic monster crying out, making me feel so little and vulnerable in this vast expanse. Sitting on the velvety sand, I continued to watch how the water rolled in and in, its frilled water edge nibbling at the sand and trying to probe the upper shore, where I sat, but never succeeding, just like he is unable to probe me, connect with me. Finally, the sun slips down the horizon welcoming the darkness. Despite the late hour, my thoughts started to wander back in time, when everything was just as I wanted it to be, everything I’ve ever dreamed of. We used to walk along the water’s edge on this endless shore, arm in arm, whispering sweet nothings. Sometimes we would just sit and watch, quite mesmerized by nature and its creativity. This place was the ultimate beginning of our love, our commitment and finally our destruction.
As I got up to leave, something glistening caught my eye in the semi-darkness. Curiously, I reached for it. Only to realize that it was just a glass bottle. Just as I was about to throw it away,I noticed a neatly rolled paper inside it. After several attempts to remove the lid, it finally came off and the ancient looking note fell into my palms. I hesitated and then unrolled it and an engraved ring fell out.
My heart stopped. My eyes darted around; sure that someone was playing a cruel joke on me. I lifted the ring which looked like an identical replica of the one Ethan got me on the night that he proposed. How could this be?
I have thrown away everything into this vast ocean to swallow them up just like it swallowed my Ethan. Remembering the piece of paper in my hand, I began to read it with trembling fingers. I stopped breathing. I couldn’t move. My heart felt like it was breaking into a million little pieces. Again.
The note. The understanding. Love. It all hit me with the same force of the monsoon storm, that occurred last year. The one that destroyed my life. The crushing feeling squeezed the air from my lungs as I relived the incident when Ethan had gone sailing with his friends with the intention of returning soon for our special anniversary dinner. The highlight of the dinner was going to be my big news. Unfortunately, he never made it. Everything I ever had was snatched away from me in a matter of minutes. I lost him and I lost a part of myself along with him, swallowed by these murderous waves.
I picked up the note and read it once again.
I will always be here for you. Please hang on; for Lucy.
Despite the tears, a slight smile played on my lips as I touched my belly and waited for the tiny eruptions so I could tell her that her father is watching.